I'm sitting right here, in front of this freaking computer which shows no responds to me other giving some stupid windows to block pop-ups. Been thinking a lot since Thursday. I know I want to spend my time with him but, sometimes we just can't. It's either he can't make it or somethings up or we'll go out in groups. I don't mind go out in groups actually. I just want to be with him as much as possible. That's all. Is it so hard? *sigh and wonders*
I tried not to cry thinking that 2010 is getting nearer. I'll be busy with my major next year and he will have to start everything over again with new people and new environment. Its going to be tough for both me and him. I know I'll miss him a lot and we'll have a little hard time trying to be there for each other. I want to be there for you sayang, really. *cry*
I wish we didn't fight that often, making each other cry like hell and breaking each others heart and argue for no particular reason. I wish we have kissed more and hugged tighter each time we go out. I wish we have hold hands more and squeeze each others hands, telling each other that I don't want to and won't let you go. I wish we have been laughing and smile more often and take silly pictures of each other so that they reminds us that that's how we spend time with each other and those good times. I wish I didn't make you cry and make you so upset and kept blaming yourself. I wish I could show you how much I love you but I'm just too ego to do so. I wish you knew how badly I want to spend time with you right now. I wish... of so many things.
Is it too late now? *cries like hell*
I am angry at myself. How stupid I can be to let time slip away just like that? *cries* What if you forget me? What if you forget us?
I'm going to write the details of my birthday..*smiles* Plan to have Korean food for my lunch birthday. Pretty excited because I've never really tasted Korean delicacies before. Baby not going because he doesn't really like Korean food nor Japanese. Pretty upset when he said so. *sigh*
Anyway, Chin Yin's beau, Chooi Yip picked me and Sai Kit to the restaurant which is near Jusco. Change plan where I'm meeting everyone [Wei Yang, Jerome and Chin Yin] there since I gotta get my mum's birthday card which is tomorrow. I wore casual. I'm serious. Tank and quarter pants with sneakers. *smiles*
Got everything and we head to the restaurant. I had these Tofu Kimchi with BBQ pork [Korean style], Chin Yin had Udong noodles with sushi; Wei Yang and Chooi Yip had the same meal which is Soba noodles with tofu sushi while Sai Kit and Jerome had Jae Jung Myun with Chicken Chop Rice. [Jae Jung Myun stands for black soy sauce noodles which is very nice]. Make most of the noise in the restaurant and the cook is actually Korean. *thinks back*
Then we all head back to Jusco, went for karaoke and its pretty okay. I sang like mad. Although most of the songs are pretty sad. I sang NeYo's Mad and Taylor Swifts Love Story. *jumps* Mad is still my all time favorite. *smiles* Went extra blur when the people order wrongly for us for our snacks..which made us ended up finishing more food which is filled with CARBS. *screams*
Anyway went back home because mum was calling and she cooked nice dinner for me already. Again, CARBS. Going to gain weight like mad. Sort of fought with baby. *mood less* Kept wondering if I will cry on my birthday or not when I meet him. He came like around 8 and he drove me somewhere and I don't know where he plans to take me. Then he parked somewhere nearby my school which is familiar to me. We are going to a fancy restaurant named Brewsters. *screams. I wore shorts, with slippers.HOW INAPPROPRIATE!!! *hides*
Had chocolate brownies with ice cream topping and apple+orange juice. Lovely. He had Cokewith burger and extra bacon . I thought I was going to cry while poking the brownies because he was silent. *frown* Then I kept pushing him to talk by asking questions randomly. He answered. Then slowly things turns okay. After our dinner we walked slowly to his car and we were bloated with food. So, we've decided to go to Parkson to walk for a while for the food to get digested. Or we'll puke.
We were slowly getting better and by the time we plan to go home, he gave me a plastic bag with my present. I was like, 'Huh?' He said its my present. I touch it and its a Nike shirt. Its black with purple words. I LOVE IT. I thought he's going to get me a bag seriously and when I got the shirt I was really surprised. *jumps and smiles* I had tears in my eyes but wiped them off quickly.
At the end of our date hugs and kisses are there. My birthday did not suck at all. *smiles gratefully*
**I cried more than 5 times today after reading your blog. Don't know why I do that either. Just felt so sad. You're not heartless, sometimes I just need you to just understand me instead of scolding me which sometimes terrifies me. Seriously. I was very upset that we fought right before my birthday and I thought you don't want to celebrate with me anymore. And when I got into the car I seriously felt like crying but I hold up my tears till the end. I kept thinking about 2010 today and it makes me cry even more. Devastated. I really hope we can make it through. I love you. I always will even though you make me cry and I make you cry and I break your heart and then you break my heart then we fight like mad and ended up crying but I still love youmore than ever. Okay?I love you Avinash Bose**
P.S.: its the first time i felt you changed because of me. I'm not sure its a good thing or a bad thing. i cried knowing 2010 is getting nearer and the time with you will be less by then but i will wait for you just the character in the book, just make sure you remember to come back for me okay? I'll wait.
Its just minutes before midnight and I'm gonna be 18. FINALLY. I don't sound happy do I? I'm trying. Believe me. I mean who doesn't want their birthday to be fantastic and happy? Okay maybe not exactly fantastic.. at least its not that saddening and depressed.. Right? At least I hope my birthday won't be.
Honestly, I don't feel the excitement of celebrating my birthday anymore. Feel like rolling on my bed the whole day and doesn't want to do anything but just sleep; in a way running away from everything. Hectic. Makes me having terrible migraines almost every night and believe me no one knows it. Even in school I'm having headache and no one knows; because I'm smiling.
Well, I guess its just you and me and the sky and the book.
Happy Birthday Siew Boon.
P.S.: i sit here listening to other people's love story and problems but then i wonder who will sit and listen to mine?
Yesterday its our 6th month anniversary. HAPPY! Went out pretty late around 9.15pm and came back around 12am. I love him. Do I need to say more?
I can't believe he got me that book; 'The Time Traveler's Wife'! And I can't wait to watch the movie which I don't know when is it going to air in Malaysia. *sigh* [Thanks baby!]
Having exam the whole freaking week. Just had Chemistry paper today. I did my best; if I flunked that means I gotta work even harder. *prays* Tomorrow going to have my Pengajian Am 1 and IT paper. I didn't revise any of it. DEAD.
Sixth Form Night is this coming Saturday. I don't know what to wear. And its at 4pm. *cursing along the way*
Can I say my blog is dead? Don't really recall when is the last time i post an update although I did blog about some movie reviews; if I'm not mistaken.
Exam is postpone. Don't like it. Really. People asked why. Simply: I just want exams to be over SOON and I can really rest and slack. I'm exhausted. I can't imagine next year. DEAD.
Right after exam is Sixth Form Night. I don't feel like going. I can't find proper clothes to wear. And its at 4 pm. WTH. Oh yeah, our anniversary is coming. Can't wait. Its this Sunday. *jumps* Don't really know what to get for him. *sigh*
Right after all these, then its November. BIG NEWS. *laughs like mad* My birthday is here. FINALLY!!!!!! I'm going to be 18. Like fully 18 not 17++. *smiles*Chin Yin's birthday is also coming. [Her birthday is just 5 days after mine.] I don't know what to get for her. I know she's going to kill me. *laughs*
Stupid PC of mine spoiled and I can't online for like few days. probably this whole pathetic week. *screams* Where am I blogging now? During IT lessons. Fantastic huh? *laughs* Suppose to do some revision but end up blogging. [itchy fingers] *shake hips*
My freaking Sony cellphone is spoiled and I seriously need a new one. I'm eying on Nokia Xpress Music. Dying to get one. *sigh*
Craving for lots of things for my upcoming birthday. My list goes: 1. Hugo Boss Orange [perfume] 2. DKNY Be Delicious Floral [perfume] 3. FILA/ EXTREME purse. 4. Nike handbag. 5. New handphone. 6. Solvis Titus/ Esprit/ Casio watch.
Mum's going to kill me. I know. I don't care. I want all those. *smiles*
I read P.S. I love you the book over and over again and never got tired of it and I wish i could fine the movie of it in Malaysia. God I love novels like this. Finally found a preview of it.
And I want to watch 'The Princess and The Frog' which I know my baby is not going to watch with me. *sigh*
I want to watch lots of movie. Toy Story 3 is coming out soon enough. Jennifer's Body too! And I can't wait for Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. Kinda pissed because The Time Traveler's Wife did not air in Malaysia. I want to watch!
[I love you Avinash.]